Vol. 117: Donald Trump, unsung hero

Now, please don’t deport me

The New York Times last week published an extensive rundown of Donald Trump’s current retribution campaign against his critics, rivals, and perceived enemies. His targets include not only Biden administration members and their relatives but also people who were involved in civil or impeachment cases against Trump, former Justice Department officials, law firms that represented Trump’s foes, universities that Trump deems unfriendly, former members of Trump’s first-term cabinet who later criticized him publicly, and even Trump’s former chief medical adviser Anthony Fauci, who inadvertently stole Trump’s spotlight during the 2020 Covid pandemic.

Trump’s revenge tools include not only criminal prosecutions but libel suits, firings, vindictive executive orders, removal of security clearances, revocation of security details, and withholding of federal funding.

“Not only has he found new ways to use his power to target those he has demonized,” the Times report concluded, “but his actions— or just the prospect of them— have led some of those he has gone after to change their behavior and fall into line.”
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That got me thinking. My first obligation as a journalist is to my readers, and to the truth as I see it. But the thought does occur to me now: Have I ever pointed out what a terrific guy Trump is? Have I neglected to illuminate his many remarkable achievements for which he has modestly refused to take credit?

Whether or not Trump sues me, revokes my security clearance, removes my Secret Service protection, or deports me to El Salvador, it’s high time I corrected that egregious oversight.

Racial awakening

Begin back in the ’60s with Trump’s service as a Marine aviator in Vietnam. During his two-year hitch there, Trump flew more than 285 combat missions. In his pursuit of victory, he was relentless. Day after day, he hammered at the Vietcong until they capitulated. I think I can say without fear of contradiction that, but for his courage and determination, Vietnam night very well be a Communist dictatorship today.

After the war, Trump returned to New York to resume his promising career as a tap dancer. Here he taught the Nicholas brothers how to dance and teamed up with them as a trio, enlivening their previously monotonous routines with his unique brand of witty repartee. It was the heyday of the Harlem jazz renaissance, and Trump was very much at its center.

He left show business (and changed his race as well) as a protest gesture when his own father declined to rent an apartment to the Nicholas brothers. That experience, Trump later told me, “Sensitized me to the injustices suffered by people of color, not to mention other minorities like women, Hispanics, gays, and transgender people. It’s a passion that remains close to my heart.”

Disraeli said it

Perhaps most astonishing, in the midst of all his real estate and political dealings, Trump somehow managed to find a cure for cancer. When I asked how he could pull off this medical miracle despite his lack of a medical education, he explained, “Science, like just about everything else, is mostly a matter of common sense. When I heard that people were looking for a cure for cancer, I decided to keep my eyes open. One day, when I was looking around, sure enough, there it was.”

Today, when the world is cancer-free, we tend to take Trump’s discovery for granted. Hard to believe that cancer was once America’s Number One killer.

When I ask Trump why he rarely discusses these awesome accomplishments, he usually quotes Ronald Reagan: “There is no limit to what a man can achieve if he doesn’t mind who gets the credit.” Sometimes he cites Disraeli: “The more you are talked about, the less powerful you are.”

The Vatican calls

What of the future?

Trump has hinted that he might try to circumvent the Constitution so he can run for a third term in 2028, the better to continue serving the American people. But a more pressing need for his services confronts the world right now.

Pope Francis is 88 and failing. His departure from the Vatican is imminent. The world desperately needs a new Pope, preferably one capable of shaking up the ossified Vatican bureaucracy. And who is better suited to that task than Trump?

Critics will argue, as they did when Trump first ran for president, that he’s unqualified for the office and knows nothing about Catholicism. But in religion as in government and science, common sense is 90% of the job. The Vatican already abounds in archbishops and cardinals who can handle the theological stuff.

Trump’s ascension to the papacy will of course require his resignation from the U.S. presidency. Like most Americans, I can’t imagine how we’ll manage without him. But the survival of our Judeo-Christian heritage is at stake. So that’s a sacrifice that truly devout Americans will readily make.

May it happen soon. Perhaps Trump could ordain J.D. Vance as a patriarch while he’s at it.

Enjoy Dan Rottenberg’s newest book, The Price We Paid: An Oral History of Penn’s Struggle to Join the Ivy League, 1950-55. You can also visit his website at www.danrottenberg.com