Vol. 148: Making America literate again

My pen pal, Donald Trump

You worry because Trump hasn’t responded forcefully to the Epstein files. And he never really focused on the 43-day federal government shutdown. And he can’t seem to decide whether he likes Putin or not. What explains this malaise?

The answer may lie in Rottenberg’s Sixth Law of Journalism, to wit: “In any given situation, there’s probably something going on that you’re not aware of.”

Specifically, ever since Trump took office last January, a day hasn’t passed without my receiving an email message from him. Usually two or three. Sometimes as many as five. And that doesn’t include the messages I get from Vice President Vance or Donald Trump Jr.

At first, I assumed these were mass boilerplate mailings that Trump had nothing directly to do with, even if they bore his signature. And what with my work on this weekly column, plus a new book project, plus recovering from a stroke I suffered last April, I confess I haven’t responded to any of his messages.

But now Trump’s missives have taken on such an urgent and personal tone that I can’t help wondering: Am I to blame for the president’s seeming inability to focus on the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP), which serves 42 million poor Americans who rely on Washington to buy groceries? For his failure to decisively rein in health insurance costs? For his seeming distraction from the chaos at America’s major airports?

I attach here a sampling of actual emails I’ve received from Trump in the first half of this month alone, along with my belated responses (in italics) where appropriate. You be the judge.

November 1, 8:47 a.m.:

Did you see President Trump’s message?

The President wants to speak with REAL AMERICAN PATRIOTS like you, but you still haven’t replied to him.

You’ve never let him down.

We’re reaching out to you on behalf of President Trump. Will you please take 5 seconds to respond to his questions?

We want to send your responses to Trump as soon as we receive them, but please take your survey soon, so we can confirm your responses.

WE’RE CLOSING THE PORTAL AT MIDNIGHT.

DR comment: Why? Will someone turn into a pumpkin?

November 2, 8:03 a.m.:

Friend,

I got NO TAXES ON SOCIAL SECURITY passed, and I signed it into law.

BUT DON’T THANK ME YET.

Democrats and Radical Judges are trying to shut down all the progress we’ve made TOGETHER.

PLEASE, before my fast approaching deadline, all I’m asking is for you to respond to me, IMMEDIATELY:

DO YOU STAND WITH TRUMP ENDING TAXES ON SOCIAL SECURITY?

It’s going to be hard, but in order to make this plan a reality, I’m going to need your help TODAY, not tomorrow. Tomorrow will be too late.

Thank you,
Donald J. Trump

November 2, 4:33 p.m.:

This is Donald J. Trump. I just stepped out of a meeting with my top political team, and I’ll tell you straight: What I heard is not good.

The Radical Left is pouring money and resources into these midterms. They want to take back control and destroy everything we’ve accomplished.

I couldn’t sit on this. I wrote you a quick note because you’ve always stood with me when it matters most.

Please read it right now. This is important.

- DJT

DR comment: I have? Not to put too fine a point on it, but I’ve repeatedly written that you suffer from narcissistic personality disorder. How did your team of top political advisors miss this tidbit? Who are they? Hegseth? Pam Bondi? Kash Patel?

November 3, 12:53 p.m.:

I’VE SENT 5 LETTERS TO YOUR MAILBOX THIS MONTH!

BUT, I’ve received nothing back.

I think I’ve got the wrong address, so I guess I’ll stick to emails from here on out.

What I’m about to share with you is highly confidential and urgent! Your annual Sustaining Membership is on life support.

From the Desk of Donald J. Trump

Hey, it’s President Trump.

I hope you’re having a fantastic day!

I reached out to you by mail 5 TIMES because your annual Sustaining Membership is going to expire unless you take action today.

It would make me very very sad to let you go…please, don’t let me do that.

You’ve been one of the most critical allies of the MAGA Movement! THANK YOU!

This message was brought to you by,

Donald J. Trump

DR comment: If I’m one of your most critical allies, your movement is in more trouble than you think.

November 3, 8:32 p.m.:

Friend - I don’t say this lightly:
IT’S TIME TO INITIATE THE “NUCLEAR OPTION”!

It’s now time for the Republicans to play their ‘TRUMP CARD,’ and go for what is called the Nuclear Option — Get rid of the Filibuster, and get rid of it, NOW!

It’s a big and bold proposal, so I’m asking all of my top advisors to provide their input before the day is over.

You can submit yours HERE.

-DJT

November 4, 7:07 a.m.:

THIS WILL ONLY TAKE 10 SECONDS…

CONGRATULATIONS!

So you’ve been selected as a WHITE HOUSE ADVISOR TO TRUMP, and we need your thoughts IMMEDIATELY. If not, you may miss this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Because of the government shutdown, I can only keep this position open until midnight, so act fast because I really want YOU to be my White House Advisor!

Your support of me and the MAGA movement has meant the world to me. We have truly been through it all together, this is why…

I love you & I’m crossing my fingers that you still feel the same way about me.

If you love me, will you make it known to my closest MAGA patriots by becoming an Official Trump White House Advisor?

DEADLINE TONIGHT!

Thank you,

Donald J. Trump

DR comment: What does this job pay? Will I be compensated in dollars or cryptocurrency?

November 4, 3:55 p.m.:

I’VE SENT 5 LETTERS TO YOUR MAILBOX THIS MONTH!

BUT, I’ve received nothing back.

I think I’ve got the wrong address, so I guess I’ll stick to emails from here on out.

What I’m about to share with you is highly confidential and urgent! Your annual Sustaining Membership is on life support:

HURRY - LETTER ENCLOSED HERE.

This message was brought to you by,

Donald J. Trump

November 4, 4:08 p.m.:

I’VE SENT 5 LETTERS TO YOUR MAILBOX THIS MONTH!

BUT, I’ve received nothing back.

I think I’ve got the wrong address, so I guess I’ll stick to emails from here on out.

What I’m about to share with you is highly confidential and urgent! Your annual Sustaining membership is on life support:

HURRY - LETTER ENCLOSED HERE

This message was brought to you by,

Donald J. Trump

DR comment: Five letters at 67 cents each, mailed three times. That’s more than $10 for me alone. And Russell Vought wonders why we have a $1.8 trillion federal budget deficit?

November 4 at 8:03 p.m.:

This is Donald J. Trump. I just stepped out of a meeting with my top political team, and I’ll tell you straight: What I heard is not good.

The Radical Left is pouring money and resources into these midterms. They want to take back control and destroy everything we’ve accomplished.

I couldn’t sit on this. I wrote you a quick note because you’ve always stood with me when it matters most.

Please read it right now. This is important.

- DJT

November 5, 12:16 p.m.:

Did I do something wrong?

I need your help to make sure my messages are getting through to TOP PATRIOTS in your neighborhood.

Please confirm recipient using this personal link.

I want to make sure my emails are getting through.

If so, PLEASE RESPOND.

Donald J. Trump

November 5, 12:38 p.m.:

Did I do something wrong?

I need your help to make sure my messages are getting through to TOP PATRIOTS in your neighborhood.

I want to make sure my emails are getting through.

If so, PLEASE RESPOND.

Donald J. Trump

November 5, 1:33 p.m.:

Did I do something wrong?

I need your help to make sure my messages are getting through to TOP PATRIOTS in your neighborhood.

Please confirm recipient using this personal link.

I want to make sure my emails are getting through.

Donald J. Trump

November 5, 1:38 p.m.:

Did I do something wrong?

I need your help to make sure my messages are getting through to TOP PATRIOTS in your neighborhood.

Please confirm recipient using this personal link.

I want to make sure my emails are getting through.

If so, PLEASE RESPOND.

Donald J. Trump

DR comment: I’ll say you did something wrong. You sent me the same message four times within an hour— and on my lunch break, yet.

November 6, 12:38 p.m.:

Did I do something wrong?

I need your help to make sure my messages are getting through to TOP PATRIOTS in your neighborhood.

Please confirm recipient using this personal link.

THIS IS A TEST FROM TRUMP

I want to make sure my emails are getting through.

If so, PLEASE RESPOND

SECURE TRUMP SUBMISSION PORTAL

Donald J. Trump

November 6, 1:25 p.m.:

From Trump: I know you’re ready for this.

There’s a reason YOUR NAME came across my desk MULTIPLE times, and I would be a fool to ignore the signs.

After reviewing your profile PERSONALLY, I have OFFICIALLY informed my team to grant you MAGA Guardian status for your never-ending commitment to the MAGA Movement.

This link expires at MIDNIGHT - accept quickly!

BECOME A MAGA GUARDIAN

Thank you,

President Trump

DR comment: Can I be a White House advisor and a Maga Guardian simultaneously? Which job offers better fringe benefits?

November 6, 4:03 p.m.:

ANTI-COMMUNIST CLUB INVITATION

From the Desk of Donald J. Trump

Hey, it’s President Trump.

I hope you’re having a fantastic day!

I reached out to you by mail 5 TIMES because your annual Sustaining Membership is going to expire unless you take action today.

It would make me very very sad to let you go… please, don’t let me do that.

You’ve been one of the most critical allies of the MAGA Movement! THANK YOU!

President Trump has selected a handful of his most loyal supporters for a highly exclusive group he’s putting together— the ANTI-COMMUNIST CLUB.

Many of the top USA PATRIOTS from Your Hometown have already received their offers, but President Trump wants to personally ensure yours is delivered to you.

You met all of the criteria to be a member of the most elite MAGA force on planet Earth – CONGRATULATIONS.

DR comment: A handful means five. So who are the other four?

November 6, 8:17 p.m.:

I made my decision – you’re the VERY FIRST to be invited to participate!

CONGRATULATIONS!!

September MAGA Survey Early Access Offer (via the 47th President)

NOVEMBER 6TH 2025, EXPIRES AT 11:59 PM

OFFER ONLY VALID FOR: FRIEND

OFFER ISSUED IN: YOUR HOMETOWN

Kindly submit your response to President Trump’s Official Survey below.

November 8 at 4:30 p.m.:

President Trump & JD Vance are sending out ONE FINAL WARNING that your spot on the MAGA Roster is about to be filled by someone else!

Don’t hesitate! Correct our records ASAP.

November 8 at 8:16 p.m.:

This is Donald J. Trump. I just stepped out of a meeting with my top political team, and I’ll tell you straight: what I heard is not good.

The Radical Left is pouring money and resources into these midterms. They want to take back control and destroy everything we’ve accomplished.

I couldn’t sit on this. I wrote you a quick note because you’ve always stood with me when it matters most.

DR comment: This is the second time in four days that you’ve stepped out of a meeting with your political team after 8 p.m. When do they pause for dinner? Where do you find such dedicated people?

November 9, 8:03 a.m.:

Friend, do you want to speak one-on-one?

It’s Trump, and I’ve got a few questions for you.

Let’s talk.

November 10, 8:17 a.m.:

From Trump: I know you’re ready for this.

There’s a reason YOUR NAME came across my desk MULTIPLE times, and I would be a fool to ignore the signs.

After reviewing your profile PERSONALLY, I have OFFICIALLY informed my team to grant you MAGA Guardian status for your never-ending commitment to the MAGA Movement

This link expires at MIDNIGHT - accept quickly!

BECOME A MAGA GUARDIAN

Thank you,
President Trump

November 11 at 8:32 a.m.:

Friend, did I do something wrong?

I need your help to make sure my messages are getting through to TOP PATRIOTS in Your Neighborhood.
Please confirm receipt using this personal link.

November 12 at 12:31 p.m.:

This is the $2,000 question…

MANDATORY POLL

Response needed from: YOU

DEADLINE: 11:59 PM TONIGHT

Would you take a TARIFF rebate check signed by yours truly?

RESPOND IMMEDIATELY

- Survey sent from President Trump

November 14, 8:17 a.m.:

ANTI-COMMUNIST CLUB INVITATION

President Trump has selected a handful of his most loyal supporters for a highly exclusive group he’s putting together – the ANTI-COMMUNIST CLUB.

Many of the top USA PATRIOTS from Your Hometown have already received their offers, but President Trump wants to personally ensure yours is delivered to you.
You met all of the criteria to be a member of the most elite MAGA force on planet Earth – CONGRATULATIONS.

November 15, 9:25 a.m.:

This is getting SAD!

I’ve asked you SO MANY TIMES to complete my Official MAGA Poll— I’m worried about you!

If you contribute $25 before MIDNIGHT, I’ll enter you to win a very special gift from me: the Official 2026 Trump calendar, SIGNED BY ME!

This is your very LAST CHANCE.

DR comment: Please forgive my tardiness in responding. The simple fact is: Even if I admired you, I couldn’t support you financially or actively, for one basic reason: As a journalist, I must avoid involvement with people or institutions that I’m likely to write about. To do otherwise would destroy my credibility. Like when I was a senior at Penn, I had to give up football because I had just become sports editor of the Daily Pennsylvanian. I mean, how could I, as sports editor, write objectively about Penn’s football team if I was on the football team? I’m sure you must encounter similar ethical conflicts in your own job. For example, if a foreign government offered you a fancy jet plane, you wouldn’t dare accept it, would you? You know the saying, “Caesar’s wife must be above suspicion.” See, Caesar’s wife, Pompeia, hadn’t done anything wrong, but he divorced her anyway because— oh, forget it.

Enjoy Dan Rottenberg’s new memoir, The Education of a Journalist: My Seventy Years on the Frontiers of Free Speech. You can also visit his website at www.danrottenberg.com